When the hubs left for this 40-day trip, I was feeling like crap-ola. I can't even tell you. I was grumpy and tired and no amount of sleep or time to myself was helping. I knew it was my diet. I knew it was what I was putting into my body that was making me tired and grumpy, but I didn't really know if I could DO theWhole30.
I had a myriad of excuses: the kids, my wine, the time it will take to eat whole foods all day long, the expense of eating "healthy" for 30 days...
But this time, my feeling like crap-ola totally won over my excuse making. Of course, when I messaged a few close friends and asked them to join me, they all cheered, "Hurray for you, NO WAY FOR ME!" (A few of them already eat healthy and said they would cut some things out, so they were my support group!)
So after the hubs had been gone for one week, feeling terrible, I stayed up late one Sunday night and read all about theWhole30 and committed myself to it.
I woke up the next morning and told the girls my decision and what it meant for me. There was my straight up accountability. For real. Tell a 6, 7, & 8 year old what you're NOT eating for 30 days and they will HOLD YOU TO IT. I knew I had to tell them or I'd be sneaking brownies in the corner.
Did I mention we're together 24/7, 3 meals a day (can you say homeschool)?!?!?
Awesome.
Don't worry, I'm not going to go into a detailed journal of my last 30 days. But I will give you the highlights. I kept caffeine, just dropped the sugar and cream. I can drink my coffee black, as long as it's good coffee like justlovecoffee or some whole beans straight from the motherland. (Ethiopia, people)!
I felt great on Day 1-4. Then I wanted to die. I stopped feeling like I wanted to die around Day 14. Then I got my groove on and was fine until Day 30.
There were good days, great recipes, and bad days, recipe fails, and eating out occasionally. Some people say that it's really hard to eat out on theWhole30 but that wasn't the case for me. At Chipotle I had a bowl with no rice or beans, lots of veggies, meat, pico, lettuce, and guacamole. It was delicious, even if I did miss the flavor of the cilantro lime rice. (But not the bloated feeling that comes with it!) At Chick-Fil-A I had a salad and left off the packets of toppings and salad dressing. That was easy. Maybe it wasn't ALL organic ALL the time, but it was better than nuggets, dipping sauce, and milkshakes!
I'm embarrassed to admit this, but the hardest part for me was definitely the glass of wine. I didn't realize how attached I was to the wine until I had to stop. Especially when the hubs is gone, I look forward to "making it through the day" and "celebrating" with a glass or two. It's my way of saying to myself, "You did it! You homeschooled your children, got them to their activities, got them home and in the bed, now you deserve this glass of Pinot Grigio!" I did this almost everyday. I looked forward to this everyday. My kids could tell you where the wine glasses are, and where the wine is. My kids could also see very clearly that I was having a glass daily. Because the first night I stopped they said, "Mommy, where is your wine?" And at that moment I realized what it had become. It had become and idol. I propped it up and covered it up with all the accomplishments listed above, but it was an idol. And it probably took me longer to get over that one than the sugar. So sad, I know.
So hot tea became my new wine. Yes, I have two cups of black coffee in the morning and then it's hot tea in the afternoon and evening. I LOVE peppermint tea. When I was in K, we lived in Ramstein, Germany and I went to a German Kindergarten. They served hot peppermint tea there and I've loved it ever since. It's relaxing, soothing, calming. It's yummy! I also like Earl Grey, Orange Cinnamon Spice, and occasionally I'll have a cup of Green Tea with Lemongrass. (Need some agave in THAT ONE!)
Anyway, I had days where I cheated. Not entirely, but I repeatedly made Chocolate Mug Cake with honey and cocoa in it, I ate a chocolate chip cookie one night when I made a batch for a sleepover, and I ate a cinnamon roll one morning before church after making them for the kids. I didn't freak out and think I needed to start my whole30 over, I just kept moving forward and making better choices. No biggie.
I think sometimes we can over-think, over-analyze, and even over-spiritualize things to the point where THEY become idols in themselves.
I found myself replacing my need for sugar and wine with retail therapy that first week. If I can't eat what I want, then I'm going shopping! Get what you want, girls! Momma's doing theWhole30!
I'm an idol factory.
We all are.
We replace one idol for another and call ourselves good. We think we are better than others because our idols are good ones.
And that's all I was doing. Instead of medicating myself with food or wine, I was medicating with retail therapy instead of God himself.
He offers Himself to me and I turn to lesser things.
It was so easy.
I was so proud.
I am so stupid.
So here I am at the end of theWhole30 and I feel amazing. I can see a difference in my face, my body, my mood, my energy levels throughout the day.
I didn't want to tell everyone I was doing this for a couple of reasons. Um, first, impression management- hello? Look at me, I'm doing theWhole30! Watch me be amazing! Please, look at me be awesome! No thanks.
Secondly, I thought of it like a fast. I needed to give up some things so I could reset my body's natural signals. I can tell you after the first few days when your body is going through SERIOUS withdrawal of the sugars, you can't even TELL what your body is saying because before, you were just feeding the sugar crash all day long. When you remove that, you're able to actually hear your body tell you what it needs. I know it sounds crazy.
I'm a black and white girl. I'm all or nothing. I'm all in or I'm all out. TheWhole30 is like that, don't try to tweak it and do a few parts, do theWhole30 or get out. I love it.
Did I mention that I slept like a baby all month? Oh my goodness, that was worth it right there.
And at the risk of making theWhole30 INTO an idol where we fall at the feet of the creators of theWhole30 and worship it as a lifestyle... let me just say, it feels so good to be a good steward of the body God has given me.
Repeat after me:
Good. Not perfect.
Repeat after me:
Good. Not perfect.
And at the risk of sounding judge-y of you if you haven't done this, are you being a good steward of the temple God has given you? What would it look like for you to make a change? What kind of change is do-able for where you're at right now?
