Five Hearts

This image came to my mind the other night while I was tucking in my four little hearts. We were lying in bed and I was listening to my oldest daughter's heartbeat. Then she asked to listen to mine. You have to be very quiet to hear it beating, so it was very quiet. As I listened to the thump, thump, thump of my daughter's heart, I suddenly became very aware of the fragility of life in general. God has given me four healthy children. Every day their hearts pound away in their chests, bringing them life and breath and health.

There is one more heart that is not yet physically part of our family but will be one day. That's the fifth heart. We don't even know if he has been born yet, but we trust God's timing and perfectness in it all.

Notice the two smaller hearts next to the numbers in this picture? I think of those as OUR hearts. We are the parents who shepherd, and although we are bigger in size and appearance, our hearts take the sidelines as we parent.

Maybe that doesn't make sense. What I mean is, since becoming believers in Christ, God has been shaping, teaching, molding and forming OUR hearts to bear his image. As we trust him to do this work (sanctification) we become more like Jesus. The things HE loves; we grow to love. The things HE despises, we grow to despise. It's a slow process. It takes time.

We are shaping, teaching, molding and forming our children's hearts right now. Every word we say can build them up or tear them down. Every act we take can do the same. I have been in a process of sanctification regarding this very thing with my children lately. Seems like I spend more time apologizing for my sins of anger, impatience, ugly tone of voice and general bossy-ness than I do speaking words that build them up. Part of it is parenting, I know. But part of it is also me not allowing God to have control of THAT part of my life. The words part. The talking down to my kids because I'm tired/frustrated/exhausted part.

Don't make excuses for me here. The devil would like me to believe the lies that he has told me for years. "You'll never break this angry cycle." "You're such a mean mom." "You have issues you will never fix." "How can you be so nice in front of strangers and so mean behind closed doors?"

You know what? It times to stop believing the lies of the devil. He doesn't have to work hard, does he?

He always hits us right where we are most vulnerable.

For me, it's the thought life.

So I'm fighting back with the truth of God's Word.

I'm meditating on verses like Ezekiel 11:19, "I'll put a new heart in you. I'll replace your heart of stone with a heart of flesh."

 Psalm 86:5 "For you, o Lord, are good and forgiving, abounding in steadfast love to all who call upon you."

 Isaiah 43:25, "I am he who blots out your transgressions FOR MY OWN SAKE, I will not remember your sins."

And Ephesians 1:7, "In HIM we have redemption through HIS blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to THE RICHES OF HIS GRACE."

So I'm choosing to overpower the tools of the devil with the power of God's Word. For too long I have succumbed to his lies. I've allowed the lies of the devil to convince me that's who I am and those tiny little lies become strongholds and it's not pretty.

Now I'm using the sword of the Spirit to teach my mind what to really think on. And I'm choosing to meditate and let God's PROMISES take over the LIES.

This is a heart issue. Proverbs 4:23 says "Keep your heart with all vigilance, for out of it flow the SPRINGS OF LIFE."

 My mouth has been overflowing with ugliness. Not life.

I've had enough of fighting this battle in secret and pretending it doesn't even exist when in fact, it's eating me alive.

It's time for my kids to see consistency and not hypocrisy.

Praise God for the RICHES OF HIS GRACE which allow me to confess my sin, turn from it, and move forward in GRACE.

This article was very helpful to me as I thought about this today, hopefully it can shed some light on the issue of Spiritual Warfare for you, too!

What is Spiritual Warfare?

Article ID: DW255

By: Hank Hanegraaff

This statement is based on questions frequently asked on the Bible Answer Man radio show hosted by CRI president Hank Hanegraaff. This question first appeared in the Questions and Answers Column of the November 1999 issue of the Christian Research Report. For further information go to: http://www.equip.org

C. S. Lewis cautioned against both imagining a demon behind every tree and believing Satan doesn’t exist. While two kingdoms are indeed in conflict (Matt. 12:22-30), Jesus Christ, through His death on the cross, made a spectacle out of the powers of darkness (Col. 2:15). What this means is that we engage in spiritual warfare by the sheer act of pursuing Christ.

Scripture admonishes us to stand firm against the devil and the evil forces of this world by employing the full armor of God, which is metaphorical language for knowing the truth, exercising faith, and practicing righteousness in our daily lives (Eph. 6:10-18; cf. 2 Cor. 10:4-6). To engage in spiritual warfare is to believe in Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of sins and to lead lives characterized by honesty, purity, prayer, Bible study, evangelism, and so on.

If someone struggles with bad thoughts, for example, rather than addressing demons on the issue, we ought to replace the bad thinking pattern with a good one. First, regardless of the source of the original thought (whether from Satan, another human, or our own sinful flesh), we are responsible for what we do with it. Furthermore, while we cannot directly stop thinking a bad thought (it’s virtually impossible not to think about a pink elephant when told not to!), we can consciously focus on something else in its place ¾ a thought that is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and so forth (Phil. 4:8-9). Finally, practicing discipline in one area of our daily lives can affect our ability to overcome bad habits in other areas as well.

The bottom line is that we must submit ourselves to God through faith in Jesus Christ, who by His life, death, and resurrection has defeated Satan (Heb. 2:14; 1 John 3:8). What remains is to simply resist the devil, for then, the Bible says, he will flee (James 4:7).

Conspicuous Families

con·spic·u·ous  

/kənˈspikyo͞oəs/

Adjective Standing out so as to be clearly visible. Attracting notice or attention.

Synonyms prominent - noticeable - notable - marked - outstanding

Tonight I had the pleasure of hanging out with some girlfriends that I used to to do MOPS with a few years ago. It was bittersweet, since we were farewelling a friend who is off to her husband's next duty station. 

I had a chance to catch up with a girlfriend that had a son, adopted another son, and is now pregnant with #3! It was a joyful moment for me when I learned the good news that she was expecting! I remember her telling me that she had always thought about adopting, but didn't know how God was going to use that in her life. 

I don't even know the details of the very fast adoption that happened for her and her family the year I left MOPS. But I know God's hand was in it. And she has a beautiful African-American son as a result. She, her husband, and her bio son are Caucasian; so to say they look conspicuous would be right on. 

I know the feeling.

Standing out so to be clearly visible.

Attracting notice or attention.

I get it. 

I was sharing this with her tonight and I just felt the need to blog about it, too. (The sudafed is keeping me awake, too). (And did I mention the quiet house?) I LOVE ME A QUIET HOUSE!

So here's the thing. At first, being a Conspicuous Family annoyed me. I felt like it was nobody else's right to ask about my family. I was protective. Of course, my adopted child was a one-year old, so I let it go- she wasn't paying attention. But now that one-year old is seven. And she is listening very carefully to everything I say to everyone. And she's also listening to everything everyone else says, too.

So I've evolved. (No, not really, like from monkeys- who believes THAT?) I'm not as protective because here's the thing. Adopted kids need to know that they are loved just like bio kids. And most of the time, in the family, that's where they are going to feel it and know whether or not it's actually true. And yes, there is a world full of people that don't know any better than to open their mouths and ask things because they are just so stinking curious that they must know about your family. 

Use that. 

Use the opportunity being a Conspicuous Family gives you. 

Use it to preach the gospel to your children.

Use it to preach the gospel to the people staring at you in amazement.

Use it to preach the gospel to the waitress, the clerk, the teenager, the pizza delivery guy (and yes, he once asked if I ran a daycare at my house).

Be ready with an answer. 

I wish I was better at this. You'd think after six years I'd have this part down. But I don't. I need to work on being ready with an answer. Because I know what I think- I just have a hard time explaining it sometimes!

So I'll share the moment that made me "get" being a Conspicuous Family, the moment when I finally let my guard down and saw it as a beautiful thing instead of something to hide. 

I was on a hayride on Halloween in our neighborhood. Another Caucasian family with two bio daughters had just brought home two Ethiopian siblings about five months earlier and they hopped on the hayride. In the dark, I just sat and stared at them. I stared at the girls. I stared at the parents. Then I stared at the girls again. Then the parents. You get the idea. I was looking at God's design for a broken world to bring wholeness into the lives of orphans. I could relate, I have done this, too! But to see it in front of me like that- it was so beautiful! I couldn't take my eyes off of that family! Yes, they were conspicuous, but they were also glorifying their father in heaven by being a Conspicuous Family!

So I'm embracing it. You know I must be if we are adopting again! And I'm learning how to open my wimpy little mouth and let the Gospel Truth pour out instead of trying to hide that which is attracting notice and attention. 

 

Let's talk about the money...

Have you noticed how many people ask the same question about certain things? For example, when it comes to our choice to homeschool our children, I can't tell you how many times I've heard the question, "What about the socialization?" Or if you have had more than three children, a common question is sometimes, "Are you done yet?" Or something like that. If you've adopted a child that doesn't resemble you, "Are they all yours?" is a common question.  I'm sure you have similar questions in your life regarding your own circumstances, to the unmarried older woman, "You are still single?"; to the married couple past two years without children, "Why don't you have kids yet?"

These questions, while assumed by the asker to be harmless can have a sting to the hearer if it's a struggle, or they can be an open door to the hearer willing to share. In my experience, the question is usually asked from an uninformed perspective. It doesn't take long to discern who is just curious and who really wants to talk about the issue they are asking about. There is usually a polite way of handling both types of questioners.

Well, when you tell people you're adopting internationally, usually the first question is always something along the lines of, "Isn't that really expensive?" Unless you're my dad, and you ask "Carrie, can you handle five kids?" HA!!!

 The blunt answer is "YES!" It's expensive! But it's not like you write one big fat, $50,000 check on day one. The fees are generally small up until the trip to get the child, when you pay the largest sum, depending on your agency fees, which can be anywhere from $10,000 to $15,000. Don't quote me. Agency fees vary. Countries vary. Ethics vary. Situations vary. But the bottom line is that international adoption IS expensive. (And a common misconception is that Domestic Adoption isn't expensive, but lawyer and medical fees can be up to $15,000 as well)!

Because this question is so dominant in many people's minds, I want to shed some light on the subject as it relates to us. I think it's important for you to know what our views of money are as we embark on this journey. So many of you have expressed interest in supporting or partnering with us, and we are thankful for you! We want to be transparent about our approach and our needs.

Our Approach:

WARNING: This section contains OUR views and choices, it in no way is a statement that should be generalized or personalized for the reader. Read with caution and discernment as God wills it for you!

We believe that all of the money that we have is God's money. He gives it to us and gives us wisdom and discernment in how to spend it. Now, don't over spiritualize this and assume that I pray for wisdom as I drive through the Chick-Fil-A to buy my kids dinner. That's a budget thing!

I remember the summer we moved into this house. After living on post in an 1,100 square-foot 1950s era ranch style house for three years, we found a neighborhood we loved in town and built our house! We got to customize much of it, and pick the floor plan as well. We went from living in 1,100 square feet to 2,800! It was a dream come true for me. I love this house. It's awesome! That same summer we moved in, I was reading the book Radical, by David Platt. In it he talks about families moving to smaller homes so they could have smaller mortgages so they could give away more of their money. To say that I felt convicted as I sat in my brand new house would be an understatement. I felt awful! I felt like I had made the biggest mistake of our lives. Now we are slaves to a big fat mortgage because of this big house in a lovely neighborhood! What have I done?

But you know what? This house has been used for God's glory! One thing that I could not do to my gifting in our small house on post was have lots of gatherings. I love to host everything. Hospitality is my thing. But on post I was limited. This house was literally chosen and built to host. We picked it because of the open floor plan and big kitchen/living room area. So God was in it. I'm telling you this to make the point that God allows us to choose different paths for His glory.

We believe that every cent we have was graciously given to us by God and therefore, what we do with it matters to Him.

Also, we've been married for 15 years, so our views of money have evolved (eek!) and changed over the years as well. For example, when we were first married, our view of tithing was pretty strict. We believed 10% was what God required of us. So that's what we did. As our knowledge of God and His Word deepened, we increased our tithe because we could. Does that mean everyone should increase their tithe? Not necessarily. I think that as you study God's Word and as you seek His Will for your situation, He will give you the wisdom to know. He's into freedom like that, you know! It's not the same for everyone.

So our giving has increased and our view of what we are storing up for has also changed. 10 years ago we had lots of savings plans. We saved lots of money as promotions came. We stored up a lot. We were very much in line with the "Retirement Plan" that most people have. Work hard, save money, retire and live off it. Maybe that's not what most people are thinking, but that's what we were thinking.

 I can't tell you when, but over time our views changed. Like I said, they just sort of evolved. God caused our views to change as we spent time in His Word. That's all. It's simple, really. God loves us. God gives us everything we need. Everything. So if God gives us everything we need, then saving is a safety net we are building for ourselves so we don't have to trust God.

We just kind of came to this place where we decided that instead of saving our money, we would exercise faith that God WILL provide WHEN the times comes, and we would give away the extra. For us, part of this "giving away" is adopting again.

Eeeeeekkkk. Even as I type this I'm wondering if I should be so transparent. The danger in sharing this information with you all is that you will think we are amazing or stupid or wonderful. And then it becomes about US and not about what God is doing. And that's why I keep repeating myself here. What WE do with our money isn't a litmus test for what you should be doing with yours.

And let me be even one more level of "transparent" here: When I say "WE," please don't get the impression that we sit down together and have this cheery little chat with warm, spiritual fuzzies regarding money. The conversations usually go like this in our home:

ME: Babe, what do you think about fundraising for our upcoming adoption? There are some great websites out there that make it super easy now!
CHRIS: Oh, I was thinking we would just use that savings we had to fund a majority of it.
ME: WHAT?!!? ARE YOU KIDDING?? Hold on, I can't talk about this right now. I'm too upset.
CHRIS: What? Did I say something wrong?

What are you called to? Where do the heart strings pull and tug in YOUR life? I guess that's the question we all have to answer as believers. What does God want you to do with the money he's given you, the spouse he's given you, the house he's given you, the children he's given (or not given, or given and taken away from you), the single-ness he's given you?

Ultimately he wants to use EVERY SINGLE RESOURCE He has given you to glorify Him. So ask yourself, "Does what I'm doing with *fill in the blank* glorify God right now?" If not, then go to the Word and dig in and get the answers you're looking for from the Holy Spirit himself. If yes, then move to the next question. Ask yourself these questions about your spouse, your children, your choices, your budget, your time with God, He's all over it.

Last night, I came across this this 6-minute audio "How to Handle Panhandlers," by John Piper about how believers should respond to panhandlers. I know it doesn't really have much to do with this blog post about our finances and how expensive international adoption is, but Piper makes the excellent point that giving is always about the intrinsic nature of our hearts. He says that our hearts are by nature selfish. So true. My heart always chooses me, always chooses my way, always chooses the path of least resistance. (See conversation example above!) I somehow connected this short clip with what I've been talking about. Piper touches on important ideas about giving.

One more book that has been influential in our lives is The Treasure Principle: Unlocking the Secret of Joyful Giving, by Randy Alcorn. Read it if you want to take an honest, heart-probing look at giving joyfully.

I would like to thank Mark Oshman for urging me to write this post. Okay, he didn't say, "Carrie, I think you should write a stream of consciousness blog post about money that rambles on and barely makes sense of your thoughts!" He did respond to my earlier blog post about How to Partner With Us as we pursue another adoption, and he basically said that coffee and monogrammed bags are cool, but what if we just want to GIVE you money straight up? (At least I think that's how he said it, sort of.) :)

Of course, those of you that want to give directly may do so. You can write a check and mail it to us, or you can use the DONATE button at the bottom of this post and give through Paypal online. (This is a first for me, so modern)!

And we want you to know that your partnership is a blessing. It humbles us as we obey God's call to grow our family through another international adoption. It humbles us to see your generosity, your like-mindedness, and YOUR heart for adoption.