Let's talk about the money...

Have you noticed how many people ask the same question about certain things? For example, when it comes to our choice to homeschool our children, I can't tell you how many times I've heard the question, "What about the socialization?" Or if you have had more than three children, a common question is sometimes, "Are you done yet?" Or something like that. If you've adopted a child that doesn't resemble you, "Are they all yours?" is a common question.  I'm sure you have similar questions in your life regarding your own circumstances, to the unmarried older woman, "You are still single?"; to the married couple past two years without children, "Why don't you have kids yet?"

These questions, while assumed by the asker to be harmless can have a sting to the hearer if it's a struggle, or they can be an open door to the hearer willing to share. In my experience, the question is usually asked from an uninformed perspective. It doesn't take long to discern who is just curious and who really wants to talk about the issue they are asking about. There is usually a polite way of handling both types of questioners.

Well, when you tell people you're adopting internationally, usually the first question is always something along the lines of, "Isn't that really expensive?" Unless you're my dad, and you ask "Carrie, can you handle five kids?" HA!!!

 The blunt answer is "YES!" It's expensive! But it's not like you write one big fat, $50,000 check on day one. The fees are generally small up until the trip to get the child, when you pay the largest sum, depending on your agency fees, which can be anywhere from $10,000 to $15,000. Don't quote me. Agency fees vary. Countries vary. Ethics vary. Situations vary. But the bottom line is that international adoption IS expensive. (And a common misconception is that Domestic Adoption isn't expensive, but lawyer and medical fees can be up to $15,000 as well)!

Because this question is so dominant in many people's minds, I want to shed some light on the subject as it relates to us. I think it's important for you to know what our views of money are as we embark on this journey. So many of you have expressed interest in supporting or partnering with us, and we are thankful for you! We want to be transparent about our approach and our needs.

Our Approach:

WARNING: This section contains OUR views and choices, it in no way is a statement that should be generalized or personalized for the reader. Read with caution and discernment as God wills it for you!

We believe that all of the money that we have is God's money. He gives it to us and gives us wisdom and discernment in how to spend it. Now, don't over spiritualize this and assume that I pray for wisdom as I drive through the Chick-Fil-A to buy my kids dinner. That's a budget thing!

I remember the summer we moved into this house. After living on post in an 1,100 square-foot 1950s era ranch style house for three years, we found a neighborhood we loved in town and built our house! We got to customize much of it, and pick the floor plan as well. We went from living in 1,100 square feet to 2,800! It was a dream come true for me. I love this house. It's awesome! That same summer we moved in, I was reading the book Radical, by David Platt. In it he talks about families moving to smaller homes so they could have smaller mortgages so they could give away more of their money. To say that I felt convicted as I sat in my brand new house would be an understatement. I felt awful! I felt like I had made the biggest mistake of our lives. Now we are slaves to a big fat mortgage because of this big house in a lovely neighborhood! What have I done?

But you know what? This house has been used for God's glory! One thing that I could not do to my gifting in our small house on post was have lots of gatherings. I love to host everything. Hospitality is my thing. But on post I was limited. This house was literally chosen and built to host. We picked it because of the open floor plan and big kitchen/living room area. So God was in it. I'm telling you this to make the point that God allows us to choose different paths for His glory.

We believe that every cent we have was graciously given to us by God and therefore, what we do with it matters to Him.

Also, we've been married for 15 years, so our views of money have evolved (eek!) and changed over the years as well. For example, when we were first married, our view of tithing was pretty strict. We believed 10% was what God required of us. So that's what we did. As our knowledge of God and His Word deepened, we increased our tithe because we could. Does that mean everyone should increase their tithe? Not necessarily. I think that as you study God's Word and as you seek His Will for your situation, He will give you the wisdom to know. He's into freedom like that, you know! It's not the same for everyone.

So our giving has increased and our view of what we are storing up for has also changed. 10 years ago we had lots of savings plans. We saved lots of money as promotions came. We stored up a lot. We were very much in line with the "Retirement Plan" that most people have. Work hard, save money, retire and live off it. Maybe that's not what most people are thinking, but that's what we were thinking.

 I can't tell you when, but over time our views changed. Like I said, they just sort of evolved. God caused our views to change as we spent time in His Word. That's all. It's simple, really. God loves us. God gives us everything we need. Everything. So if God gives us everything we need, then saving is a safety net we are building for ourselves so we don't have to trust God.

We just kind of came to this place where we decided that instead of saving our money, we would exercise faith that God WILL provide WHEN the times comes, and we would give away the extra. For us, part of this "giving away" is adopting again.

Eeeeeekkkk. Even as I type this I'm wondering if I should be so transparent. The danger in sharing this information with you all is that you will think we are amazing or stupid or wonderful. And then it becomes about US and not about what God is doing. And that's why I keep repeating myself here. What WE do with our money isn't a litmus test for what you should be doing with yours.

And let me be even one more level of "transparent" here: When I say "WE," please don't get the impression that we sit down together and have this cheery little chat with warm, spiritual fuzzies regarding money. The conversations usually go like this in our home:

ME: Babe, what do you think about fundraising for our upcoming adoption? There are some great websites out there that make it super easy now!
CHRIS: Oh, I was thinking we would just use that savings we had to fund a majority of it.
ME: WHAT?!!? ARE YOU KIDDING?? Hold on, I can't talk about this right now. I'm too upset.
CHRIS: What? Did I say something wrong?

What are you called to? Where do the heart strings pull and tug in YOUR life? I guess that's the question we all have to answer as believers. What does God want you to do with the money he's given you, the spouse he's given you, the house he's given you, the children he's given (or not given, or given and taken away from you), the single-ness he's given you?

Ultimately he wants to use EVERY SINGLE RESOURCE He has given you to glorify Him. So ask yourself, "Does what I'm doing with *fill in the blank* glorify God right now?" If not, then go to the Word and dig in and get the answers you're looking for from the Holy Spirit himself. If yes, then move to the next question. Ask yourself these questions about your spouse, your children, your choices, your budget, your time with God, He's all over it.

Last night, I came across this this 6-minute audio "How to Handle Panhandlers," by John Piper about how believers should respond to panhandlers. I know it doesn't really have much to do with this blog post about our finances and how expensive international adoption is, but Piper makes the excellent point that giving is always about the intrinsic nature of our hearts. He says that our hearts are by nature selfish. So true. My heart always chooses me, always chooses my way, always chooses the path of least resistance. (See conversation example above!) I somehow connected this short clip with what I've been talking about. Piper touches on important ideas about giving.

One more book that has been influential in our lives is The Treasure Principle: Unlocking the Secret of Joyful Giving, by Randy Alcorn. Read it if you want to take an honest, heart-probing look at giving joyfully.

I would like to thank Mark Oshman for urging me to write this post. Okay, he didn't say, "Carrie, I think you should write a stream of consciousness blog post about money that rambles on and barely makes sense of your thoughts!" He did respond to my earlier blog post about How to Partner With Us as we pursue another adoption, and he basically said that coffee and monogrammed bags are cool, but what if we just want to GIVE you money straight up? (At least I think that's how he said it, sort of.) :)

Of course, those of you that want to give directly may do so. You can write a check and mail it to us, or you can use the DONATE button at the bottom of this post and give through Paypal online. (This is a first for me, so modern)!

And we want you to know that your partnership is a blessing. It humbles us as we obey God's call to grow our family through another international adoption. It humbles us to see your generosity, your like-mindedness, and YOUR heart for adoption.