Last week my little boy threw a tantrum. Nothing crazy, just your run of the mill, tired two year old tantrum. I was trying to get him into his pajamas as he cried angrily over something unknown to me.
I said to him, "I know you're mad. I can see that. But I need you to lift your arms up so I can take your shirt off and get you ready for bed."
And IN HIS FIT he lifted his arms up. (This is a miracle).
And as he lifted them, his face was turning redder, his tears were still streaming down his adorable little face, and his mouth was drooling as he screamed. But he lifted his arms.
Obedience.
And I thought of myself, and my relationship with God, and I thought, how many ways do I too, have fits just like that about what God is asking me to do?
Why did God give me four (and probably five) kids when I struggle with anger? I'm gonna mess them up so bad!
Why did God ask me to homeschool all of them? They are gonna have so many gaps it's not even funny!
Why did God give me lots of kids, ask me to homeschool them, and then give me a husband who is around half the time? It's like hurky jerky around here with all this coming and going.
Because GOD knew that's exactly what Carrie Abraham needed to flesh out some things that otherwise could easily slip under the radar of "wholly submitted to God."
It took four kids to break me, y'all.
I had three down like a well-oiled machine. I was on top, I was in control, I still had it "together," if you know what I mean.
And then God gave me one more.
And everything came undone.
Literally.
I know what some of you are thinking right now.
FOUR! It took FOUR! I only have (insert your number) and I'm BROKEN!
And that's my point exactly, ladies.
What God uses to bring YOU to the point of FULL submission to His will is different for each of us. So we can all stop with the comparisons.
What God is using to refine YOU in YOUR life is different from what He uses in MINE (or hers, or his)... you get the point, right?
For me, it was four kids & homeschool; for someone else it's something entirely DIFFERENT.
And here's the point about the tantrum. God doesn't want us all cleaned up and sparkling before we come to Him with our stuff.
I know we don't like to think about coming to God in a "fit." It doesn't seem right- we should be so lovable, sweet, and nice-sounding... I mean, He's God, after all, let's make an effort!
But the truth is He wants us red faced, tears streaming down our cheeks, mouth drooling and screaming our heads off. It's not pretty, but it's real.
God wants us lifting our arms in OBEDIENCE even when we battle the idea of what He is working out in us.
It's tough, y'all. I'm not going to lie. I have been in the trenches with this, battling this very thing for awhile now. I've been clenching my fists tighter around the thing I know God wants from me.
Am I going to OBEY God when it's uncomfortable?
Am I going to OBEY God even when my heart and mind trail behind?
Am I going to OBEY God when I can't control the OUTCOME? (And I SO like to control outcomes, you have absolutely NO idea).
Yes.
But it's not going to be pretty. And He may have to pry open my fingers sometimes.
But I'll do it anyway.
Because somehow, even my little boy knew that lifting his arms would help him somehow.
And even when my fists are clenched, and my mind is set, and I'm resolved to control this thing...
I know, deep down, in the deepest parts of my heart, that lifting my arms to God is all I can do.
And THAT is enough.
