January of 2014 will mark seven years for us here in Clarksville, TN.
The longest we've ever lived anywhere, ever.
We lived in Okinawa for almost five years which is tied for me with Birmingham, where I was for five years (four in college and one year post-college before Chris and I got married).
So seven years feels long. And monumental, in a way.
Growing up a military brat, both hubs and I moved every 2-3 years. We've lived all over the world.
We loved it. We wouldn't trade it for anything and constantly refer back to it as a great gift our parents gave us. So all you Marine and Army wives that I know can chillax. Your kids are going to be FINE. Look at us! ;)
I was chatting it up with my new good friend tonight at ballet and we were just sharing, sharing, sharing. You would've thought by the way we were talking that we knew each other since birth. (Which a lot of those ladies at THAT ballet class actually HAVE, people. I'm serious. It's like the Good Old Boys Club for Ladies here in the CLV. Don't get me started.)
Okay, so we were talking about everything from homeschooling well in this Advent season, to raising boys and why it's harder than raising girls (at least in these early years anyway), to our husband's line of work, to our struggles as moms, to military moves, and even our family schedules. Yes, we covered a lot in an hour. That's what moms do. We talk fast when we can. We squeeze it in. We make it happen ASAP. Cuz who knows when the next chance will be...
And here's the thing. I've know Leigh for about a month. And when I say I've known her, what I mean is that I have been going to church and she was there and our kids have the same ballet class together. (But unlike her, I leave my toddler strapped into the carseat and don't get out of my car for an hour). She is the fun mom who brings toys in a big bag for her kids to play with while their sister dances. I throw my toddler the iPad and pray for the hour to go by fast enough so he doesn't notice he's imprisoned by a four-point harness and a minivan. So far, so good.
Again, I digress.
I HAVE A POINT!
This is it. Military spouses aren't afraid to get real and get real fast. I'm not saying other folks aren't real, I'm just suggesting that because of the constant "we're moving in a year" feeling that most military spouses feel, they tend to open themselves up much more quickly and willingly than most other people. And this, my friends, is a WONDERFUL quality. It means you don't spend a lot of time feeding at the surface of superficial bologna. "How are you?" "Good!" "How are you?" "Good!" (Which happens to be one of my pet peeves!) It means you can open up, let it all hang out, and still be accepted. At least for awhile anyway. Because those friends WILL move.
After being in one place for nearly seven years, I've become used to being the one that is left behind while the other military families move on for "the next thing." It's WAY harder to stay put and say goodbye than it is to leave. In a sense, it's easy to leave because you're moving on to something different, and it's change, and it's new and exciting.
Also, I learned something a few years ago that has really stayed with me and has been a great lesson to me. I had a major falling out with an acquaintance and she moved. We reconciled a little before she left, but it wasn't a full reconciliation. I spent hours, days, weeks, and many conversations seeking Godly counsel over that fallout and came to terms with it eventually. It was not pretty. (Those refining fires never are!) Eventually I got over it. We were only acquaintances anyway... what's the big deal? I don't know, the fallout just had a major affect on me. And the lesson I learned in all that was that PEOPLE CHANGE. But when they move in the middle of something like that, you don't always get to SEE THE CHANGE. You miss it. And two years later, after I had long put it behind me and forgiven her, she sent me a note that said "I have finally forgiven you."
WHAM.
DUDE.
I was over it way before she ever was. And I didn't get to see the change. And that's okay. I think we need to give ourselves permission here to let others BE IN THEIR PLACE and just accept that. We don't have to be ALL waiting for THEM TO CHANGE so WE CAN BE ALL HAPPY and KOSHER. Let the Lord do His work in His time in His people. He will be faithful to do it.
And even though I wasn't expecting that note, it was a relief to me. I read in a book once that forgiving people isn't for THEM to be set free, it's FOR US to be set free. So true. So true.
I hope I haven't gone down a rabbit hole here. I know there is a more concise way of saying all that I just said. I've learned so much about staying in one place.
I love running into people I knew six years ago in the grocery store.
I love knowing the routes to get everywhere and not having to think while I'm driving about where I'm going. (It's really nice!)
I love seeing familiar faces at the places we frequent (grocery stores, restaurants, stores). I wonder if I'm familiar to them at Target?
I like meeting new friends that are new here and just desperate like I was seven years ago to make friends!
I love the chance to mess up and heal broken friendships and have do-overs.
I love that those who know me, can see me change and witness my growth and help remind me of it when I forget.
I love that I have friends that know the real me with the ugly cry and the shaking the fists to the heavens and the honesty that comes with it.
I think growing up I always tended to keep people at arms length in friendship because I knew we were moving. It was my defense mechanism to protect my own feelings of sadness and loss.
Now that I'm a "wannabe local" I'm over that! I enjoy putting it all out there. On the first playdate. At the first ballet class.
Sorry if you're in earshot while I'm gabbing it up with a new friend. You'll get my whole life story.
