The Process of Becoming

I am reading this fantastic storybook to my kids called "Kingdom Tales." It came with the curriculum in My Father's World and it's fabulous.

In it, all of the characters that enter the Kingdom go through the fire and become their true selves. The young tomboy girl walks through the fire and becomes Princess. The fearful, scarred boy walks through the fire and becomes Hero. The old, feeble Caretaker walks though the fire and becomes the King. You get the idea. When you walk through the fire you become your true self. In the book, this process is called "Becoming."

Becoming.

I like that.

We are becoming more like him, day by day.

But we won't be perfect until He returns.

Lately the Lord has really been working on my Becoming. What I mean is that He really is interested in ME becoming more like HIM. And when I say he's interested in it, I mean He's REALLY interested in it. In fact, he obsesses over it.  Obsesses over me transforming into being more like HIM.

Confused yet?

It's weird, I know.

I heard this part of a sermon last Thursday that I can't shake. The pastor (sorry, I don't know who it was or anything) said something to the effect of "God is using YOUR circumstances to make you more like him. You may think it's a mistake, you may think this isn't where you're supposed to be or what you're supposed to be doing, but it is actually God using your situation to make you more like him. This is his GRACE that he is showing you. You see, we tend to think of grace as warm and fuzzy and lovely (which it IS) but it's also HARD and CHALLENGING and TRYING sometimes. And that's God's GRACE in your life when you accept where He has you, so He can accomplish HIS purpose in you."

I butchered that paraphrase, but you get the idea.

And it hit me like a rock in that moment. I've been resisting God for so long on this motherhood journey. I've resisted it like a two year old throwing a tantrum. I've resisted HIS GRACE. But He is showing me grace by giving me what I need to become more like Him. And there is beauty in that. So much beauty!

You see, I really shouldn't have four children. I shouldn't be adopting more.

Because I'm just TOO angry.

Too mean.

Too relentless.

Too prideful.

Too moody.

Too belittling.

Too petty.

I'm too much of everything I shouldn't be.

And don't you know, God knew it?

God, in HIS GRACE, is using my circumstance to refine me. He's actually using it! You know how I know?

Because I'm LESS angry than I used to be.

I'm less mean than I used to be.

I'm more relenting than I used to be.

I'm learning how to be more humble in spirit, but I BATTLE my pride daily still.

I'm less moody (except for that one week).

I don't belittle as much and when I do start to do it, I notice it.

Instead of feeling like I just need to survive this season, why don't I boast in the fact that God is doing amazing things through me in it?

Because he is.

And that is His GRACE.

And yes, I feel the need to capitalize it every time I type the word because, well, we SHOULD be capitalizing on HIS GRACE in us every minute. Every small victory. Every great loss. Every apt word. Every thing is literally covered, smothered like a chicken casserole in his GREAT GRACE.

His Mercy.

His Love.

His Hand.

His Beauty in us.

We are all BECOMING. I am becoming more like Jesus as I serve my family in the day to day tasks, the small, unseen things, the obedience of teaching at home.

 In the book, we see the true self of the characters come through as they walk through the fires.

Y'all, I know that what I THINK I AM, I'm really not.

I'm really not THAT mean, angry, relentless, prideful, moody mom...

maybe this side of the fire I CAN be,

but as I walk through it, daily dying to self,

I am BECOMING something altogether different.